Other little girls gazed at the necklaces adorning the two special friends, wishing they they too could be included in the best friend forever pact. Some would go so far as to whisper nasty stories in the ears of either girl as if to break the pact with words.
Overtime, the necklaces grew tarnished. Sometimes the fragile chains would break and need fixing by their Dads or replacing by the jewellers. Occassionally they wouldn't be broken or damaged at all, they would simply be removed in haste and thrown into their jewellry box with a declaration of never being worn again. After some time, the necklaces spent more time laying on a bedside table or lost under piles of dirty clothes. Eventually, they were lost altogether, a simple memory of a moment in time.
The two little girls didn't even know it was sad. They were busily plucking eyebrows, buying new CDs, reading Dolly Doctor from the privacy of their bedrooms and daydreaming about growing up. One day, when they eventually had grown up, they would understand that friendships aren't founded on the sharing of a necklace. No. In the world of grown ups, friendships are founded on much stronger stuff than that!
*
Friends. Not the "I just want to stalk you on Facebook" variety. The "know your coffee order - remember your birthday - ask after your parents - have seen you rolling drunk and bought you Maccas for breakfast the next day" friends.
I've collected lots of friends in my 33 years and I've lost just as many.
This quest to find the goodness in my world has conjured up all sorts of thoughts. First there was the promise to be nice to people. I did that and I continue to do that. It ain't always easy but for the most part, it's made a huge difference to my happiness. I've been thinking about the idea of being nice those that make a daily cameo in my life and am starting to feel boarder line hypocritical. Here I am playing Little Miss Sunshine to complete strangers and declaring myself inspirational (to myself - not to you lot - you can go back to being inspired by Oprah Winfrey thank you very much). The problem with finding the goodness in others is this, you start to notice little cracks in the goodness of yourself.
So. What to do? Do I start inboxing the friends of my past on Facebook and offering an olive branch on friendships of times past?
Dear Samantha*
Hi! How are you? What have you been up to (in the 15 years since we finished school) Random but I wanted to touch base and say I'm sorry about the time that you accidentally rolled in bird poo while we were all laying on the oval watching the clouds during recess and I laughed and told everyone and everyone else laughed too.
It won't happen again - friends?
Yours sincerely
Goodness & Gracious
* funnily enough, names have been changed.
Before completely losing my marbles and declaring world peace on everyone whom I had wronged, been hurt by or simply lost touch with, I had the good sense to log out of Facebook and do a load of washing (or something equally as exciting - stay at home mum remember).
In life, people come and go. Some people creep into your heart and make themselves nice and cosy. Some of them earn their keep by offering a shoulder to cry on, a second opinion to impulse shopping purchases or a helping hand as you climb onto a table to dance along side them. Some of them bury themselves even deeper by offering to bring their husbands clippers to your house and help you shave your head after your chemo treatment tells your folicles to take a hike. These friends are worth every cent spent on birthday presents, drunk phone calls, repetition of stories heard time and time again. They're worth apologising to when you've been a cow and they're worth accepting the apology when they've been a cow.
The "go" part of the come and go, that's a little trickier. Embracing the good in people is important. Knowing who is good is important. Letting go of those people who haven't etched themselves in your heart but stomp on your happiness with narky remarks and hurtful actions, that's important.
With all of that in mind, what would be the purpose of reaching out to the friends of your past? Surely you would have fought harder to keep them in your life if it were meant to be?
In the land of Childhood, numbers are important. You need lots and lots and lots of friends. You need big ones and small ones and you need them around you all of the time. You need them to carry you over the bumpy path to becoming an adult. Some of them will bounce off this path only to become a different sort of friend (a Facebook friend - you will watch them from a far and judge them with vigour). Others will tumble along the path with you. They'll tell you when a twist is coming and help you up from an unforseen turn. They'll hold your hand with the path gets scary and they'll hold you up when the path makes you laugh until you snort.
When you arrive at the door to the land of adulthood, those friends still standing by your side are the ones you should focus on. Why go back and collect those that couldn't, wouldn't it or shouldn't keep up? Life is far too short and too busy to fill it with people who don't fulfill you.
So where does that leave us? If we're being kind to strangers and letting old friends go, are we hypocritical? The answer to the riddle (in the world according to Goodness & Gracious) is this... be kind to the people in your world - be them strangers or loved ones. Call your friends, reply to their texts, go to their Tupperware parties when you couldn't think of anything worse, be nice to their partners, tell them when they have pesto caught in their teeth.
It doesn't take a silver necklace to cement a friendship. Embrace the people in your life who make you laugh but are still standing right beside you when you cry. On that note, this post must come to an end, I have some friends to phone!
Happy Friday everyone x
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