No one likes a bully... except

Be kind - have good manners - say please and thank you - don't forget to smile - jump in puddles - share your toys with your friends - make new friends - eat your greens - don't push in - be kind.

Simple rules govern the land of childhood. A slight tumble from the path of goodness and you are quickly in the shadows of the realms of bullying.

In the world of little people, a bully is easy to spot. Red not rosy cheeks, a steely not gentle gaze, aggressive stomps not tentative steps. A typically bully is named something completely at odds with their demeanour. I once knew a frightening four year old named Imogen. Her best friend was Primrose. They were a force to be reckoned with.

In the world of little people, a bully moves with intent. Sticks and stones are used with rigour and words are the perfect fodder for little tears warming the cheeks of their victims.

In the world of little people, grown ups govern the playgrounds and backyards of their residents. A simple sidestep from the path of goodness is corrected with a stern word and reminder that we are kind to our friends. An apology is directed and everyone involved then skip merrily on their way, back to the path of goodness.

It must be confusing for the little people of our world with one set of rules for them and another set for the grown ups. They could be forgiven for thinking that just like the drinking age, at some point in their little lives, they will graduate from the demanding realm of being kind to one another and step gleefully into the days of heckling, cyberbullying and passive aggressive rebellion to others.

Here at Goodness & Gracious HQ, we love ourselves a good bit of reality TV. We love the drama of a souffle not rising and the tradgedy of being sent to a battle for immunity. We thrive on the tears and tantrums and yearn for the shock exit of the carefully selected villain of the series. Lately however, we've noticed a trend. Villains have existed since Batman & Robin slid into their first pair of tights, they've made life tricky since Oliver Twist asked for more, they've graced our screens since televisions popped up in our living rooms. Villains are no longer medelsome characters plotting to destroy the world (coincidentally this has always confused me, if the world is destroyed, don't they go down too? Where's the fun in that?!) The villains on our TV screens are no longer creatures of the night. Villains are no longer withered creatures with badly applied make up. 

Villains today are just about all of us. 

What I would give to view a post made by a celebrity on Facebook or Instagram and find the comments left by their followers to be nothing but positive. I'm almost always shocked to read what the minority of their followers are brave enough to write. I say minority because that's just what they are, minor in numbers, minimal in importance yet loud enough to silence the majority.

For example, I'm a self confessed Block'a'holic. A few weeks ago, the Mother of one of this years contestants passed away after a brutal and long battle with cancer. The Block's official Facebook page posted a message of support to the contestant and her family. Hundreds of people left messages of support yet a handful left messages of hate, "get on with it", "who cares - its a renovation show", blah blah blah. 

Mean spirited people have and will always exist. What's new in their hatred is the medium of social media. To share and foster their disrespect of others, they simple click the 'comment' button and with a few short (and often misspelt words) their bullying is cemented in the virtual footpath of cyberspace. 

The modern day bully often appears as a small face on our computers and smartphones and they have endless hours of typing to fuel their passion for belittling others from the safety of their couch or home office. Such bravery! At least a childhood bully is brave enough to trip you over and shoot you a look the screams "yeah, whatya gonna do about it?"

There is so much written about cyber bullying of children and teenagers. The question of what to do sits in the hands of the grown ups. Perhaps we could start by sending the right messages to our kids? Perhaps we could show then that belittling people is wrong and celebrating our differences is an amazing alternative? Seems pretty simple right?

At risk of repeating myself (something I love to do. What's a story if it doesn't begin with, I'm sure I've told you this before but') but I love reality tv. I was HOOKED on this years My Kitchen Rules. But * insert sigh here * what happened to having manners and being kind to our friends? Anyone who watched an episode or even saw a commercial will know that this years two biggest contestants were 'friends from NSW'. These girls were awful. They blatantly bagged out others, they disrespected people to their faces and even in their own homes, they laughed openly at the failures of others and rolled their eyes at every opportunity. In the land of childhood, this kind of behavior would result in a good talking to, maybe a grounding or even a visit to the school guidance counsellor. On TV, it's a ratings plus and a entertainment high! 

What was even worse, in an interview with other contestants on the show, the others claimed to have no knowledge of how these contestants really felt! They were so nice on set! 

"Oh", think little people, "so if you tease someone, you just have to say it in a witty way and behind their back and it's okay? And even better, if we say really nasty things online, we don't have to try and muster up the courage to be a meanie in person? Awesome!"

We're all different. We all like and dislike different things. We all wear different clothes and eat different food. We look different and sound different. We are passionate about different things and we are empathetic to different ideals. Being an individual is amazing and in this era, it's brave. Wouldn't it be amazing if instead of hating, criticizing and bullying others and their differences, we accepted them and moved on? Wouldn't it be incredible if we didn't ridicule the people who are brave enough to stand out? Wouldn't it change the world if we were all a little kinder, more accepting and empathetic? Shouldn't we start on these notions with the people who look up to us as though we have all the answers?

The rules for grown ups shouldn't be so different to our little friends. Imagine if our rules for how we take part in society were as simple as being kind - having good manners - saying please and thank you - not forgetting to smile - jumping in puddles - sharing your toys... or at least our positivity, with our friends - making new friends - eating our greens and not pushing in. I dare anyone to challenge the idea that these simple things couldn't change our worlds. 

I ask a lot of the readers of this blog, love your flawed bodies, throw away labels and pigeonholing, be nice to stangers, hug trees, smile as you fold your washing  yadah yadah yadah. Today I'm asking of you again, on the matter of bullying, in any form, let's all start saying no to all forms of it and show our little ones that just as kicking a friend in the shins is wrong, so too is the adult form. 

Come on, who's with me?

Bloggers note: haters gonna hate is not a reasonable argument for not joining this movement. 

Big ships and little ships...

Two little girls sat cross legged on the bedroom floor. They opened the small felt box and gingerly removed the silver chains from within. They beamed happiness as they carefully broke the little silver heart into two pieces. They whispered promises of being best friends forever as they placed the necklaces on each others necks, their friendship hereby cemented for life.

Other little girls gazed at the necklaces adorning the two special friends, wishing they they too could be included in the best friend forever pact. Some would go so far as to whisper nasty stories in the ears of either girl as if to break the pact with words.

Overtime, the necklaces grew tarnished. Sometimes the fragile chains would break and need fixing by their Dads or replacing by the jewellers. Occassionally they wouldn't be broken or damaged at all, they would simply be removed in haste and thrown into their jewellry box with a declaration of never being worn again. After some time, the necklaces spent more time laying on a bedside table or lost under piles of dirty clothes. Eventually, they were lost altogether, a simple memory of a moment in time.

The two little girls didn't even know it was sad. They were busily plucking eyebrows, buying new CDs, reading Dolly Doctor from the privacy of their bedrooms and daydreaming about growing up. One day, when they eventually had grown up, they would understand that friendships aren't founded on the sharing of a necklace. No. In the world of grown ups, friendships are founded on much stronger stuff than that!

*

Friends. Not the "I just want to stalk you on Facebook" variety. The "know your coffee order - remember your birthday - ask after your parents - have seen you rolling drunk and bought you Maccas for breakfast the next day" friends.

I've collected lots of friends in my 33 years and I've lost just as many.

This quest to find the goodness in my world has conjured up all sorts of thoughts. First there was the promise to be nice to people. I did that and I continue to do that. It ain't always easy but for the most part, it's made a huge difference to my happiness. I've been thinking about the idea of being nice those that make a daily cameo in my life and am starting to feel boarder line hypocritical. Here I am playing Little Miss Sunshine to complete strangers and declaring myself inspirational (to myself - not to you lot - you can go back to being inspired by Oprah Winfrey thank you very much). The problem with finding the goodness in others is this, you start to notice little cracks in the goodness of yourself.

So. What to do? Do I start inboxing the friends of my past on Facebook and offering an olive branch on friendships of times past?

Dear Samantha*
Hi! How are you? What have you been up to (in the 15 years since we finished school) Random but I wanted to touch base and say I'm sorry about the time that you accidentally rolled in bird poo while we were all laying on the oval watching the clouds during recess and I laughed and told everyone and everyone else laughed too.
It won't happen again - friends?
Yours sincerely
Goodness & Gracious
* funnily enough, names have been changed.

Before completely losing my marbles and declaring world peace on everyone whom I had wronged, been hurt by or simply lost touch with, I had the good sense to log out of Facebook and do a load of washing (or something equally as exciting - stay at home mum remember). 

In life, people come and go. Some people creep into your heart and make themselves nice and cosy. Some of them earn their keep by offering a shoulder to cry on, a second opinion to impulse shopping purchases or a helping hand as you climb onto a table to dance along side them. Some of them bury themselves even deeper by offering to bring their husbands clippers to your house and help you shave your head after your chemo treatment tells your folicles to take a hike. These friends are worth every cent spent on birthday presents, drunk phone calls, repetition of stories heard time and time again. They're worth apologising to when you've been a cow and they're worth accepting the apology when they've been a cow.

The "go" part of the come and go, that's a little trickier. Embracing the good in people is important. Knowing who is good is important. Letting go of those people who haven't etched themselves in your heart but stomp on your happiness with narky remarks and hurtful actions, that's important. 

With all of that in mind, what would be the purpose of reaching out to the friends of your past? Surely you would have fought harder to keep them in your life if it were meant to be? 

In the land of Childhood, numbers are important. You need lots and lots and lots of friends. You need big ones and small ones and you need them around you all of the time. You need them to carry you over the bumpy path to becoming an adult. Some of them will bounce off this path only to become a different sort of friend (a Facebook friend - you will watch them from a far and judge them with vigour). Others will tumble along the path with you. They'll tell you when a twist is coming and help you up from an unforseen turn. They'll hold your hand with the path gets scary and they'll hold you up when the path makes you laugh until you snort. 

When you arrive at the door to the land of  adulthood, those friends still standing by your side are the ones you should focus on. Why go back and collect those that couldn't, wouldn't it or shouldn't keep up? Life is far too short and too busy to fill it with people who don't fulfill you. 

So where does that leave us? If we're being kind to strangers and letting old friends go, are we hypocritical? The answer to the riddle (in the world according to Goodness & Gracious) is this... be kind to the people in your world - be them strangers or loved ones. Call your friends, reply to their texts, go to their Tupperware parties when you couldn't think of anything worse, be nice to their partners, tell them when they have pesto caught in their teeth. 

It doesn't take a silver necklace to cement a friendship. Embrace the people in your life who make you laugh but are still standing right beside you when you cry. On that note, this post must come to an end, I have some friends to phone! 

Happy Friday everyone x